Everyone is talking about it right now. Rightfully so. White privilege. Black Lives Matter. George Floyd and the numerous death before his at the hands of police. How to come together as a country. I have been very vocal about how I feel about the situation. As you may or may not know my love affair with my black husband started 30 years ago next year. Twenty one years ago this beautiful biracial child was born that change my life forever. Being in the south both of these events were life changing.
Let’s first talk about white privilege and what it means and how to wrap your mind around it. White privilege is not about any one actual white person alive today. It is about how our society was built and has continued to run. It is not accusing you of being racist if you are white. It is not accusing you of doing anything actually except living in a system made that favor you solely based on skin color. When you depersonalize the message it makes more sense.
I am not saying that people do not play into the hierarchy that is surely there. But I am saying you can choose to not be offended. You can choose to be part of the solution. You can choose to not make it about you. Yes, we have all had hard stories. Yes, we all have to deal with life. But by looking at the stats on paper, it is harder when you have brown skin. The pay is less and the interest from police is much more.
Black Lives Matter asks you to pause and reflect on how you may be contributing or if you feel you are not then at least acknowledge the system for what it is. Can you imagine being gas-lighted you whole life? Gas lighting is when you tell someone that what is obviously true is not true. It made me feel crazy as a kid when this would happen and still does today. I can only imagine if my whole life I was told by society at large, “we love you. we are not racist. You are welcome. This is your home too.” only for reality to show you a much different truth day in and day out with covert and overt racism systematically being dispensed.
So the request to acknowledge is not for a white person to bow down (as some have hinted or flat out said). It is just to validate and say, yes, I see this problem too and I will no longer ignore it for my comfort at your expense. It does not mean you can change the world. It means you agree to be compassionate and empathize with a centuries old issue that will never go away until it is faced. Contrary to some beliefs, acknowledgement is a powerful tool and the most important step in changing anything.
Now before I got further let me say this. During the last few weeks I have been accused of being “tainted” because I am fighting for my husband (who is black) to be freed for a crime he did not commit. Yes, we have been fighting for 20 years as of last month. But what anyone on my journey can tell you is that I am not bitter. I do not believe all police are bad or that all white people are racist or even that racist people put him in prison. I want to clear that up because I take pride in being unbiased (as much as I can be) about this situation.
I know it can be a tough pill to swallow. It has only been in the recent years I have gotten my mind around it. That is saying a lot. Now, it’s not that I didn’t know that racial inequity was around or that racism was alive. I did. But my argument was, hey, I made it as a single Mom with my husband in prison, raising a black child and being the sole income on a commission only job without having to dip into state funding for anything or getting any major financial help from anyone. And then going on to build a six figure biz and a thriving coaching biz. But the truth is, I had it easier getting to where I got than a black woman would have. That is just a fact.
For the people who say that there are opportunities everywhere and it is personal choice. Let’s be honest, if you are raised in low income with many family members you know in and out of trouble with the law and you are going to under funded schools and have less opportunity to partake in technology and more heavy energy around you then it will be harder. Forget the fact that you are judged on your skin color and that if you are a black male you are 3x (+) more like to be pulled over or stopped by police for any reason. I am not even covering all the ways. What about TV and the way black people are portrayed. The list goes on and on.
This doesn’t mean that life is cake for all us white peeps. I can tell you it is not always delightful but just know that if you had brown skin it would be much less delightful. In a recent study it showed that black men make substantially less than their white counterparts for jobs straight out of college. Same is true for black women compared to white women. Someone like Candace Owens would say that is because of affirmative action. Her theory is that they applied to “high up” and therefore could not compete and then equates it solely to money. As if only rich white kids are a part of that survey.
Am I making sense? I have so many people argue with me lately about their white privilege I am starting to feel like a broken record.
The problem starts way before college. It is schools systems and parents and society as a whole that paves the way for this to happen. And the cycle keeps playing becuase few of us break our energetic cycles. The first step is awareness and I think we are getting that now.
Don’t get me wrong, you have a choice. Everyone has a choice. That does not mean that we KNOW we have a choice or that the choice is the same across the board. But energetically is the best play to level the playing field which is why I drove in with both feet at an early age and it changed my life. I know I would not have had the success I have had if I did not begin to work from the inside out.
So let’s talk energy. So this thing is two sided. I teach a concept called being the dominant energy. So your energy is made up of all of your experiences up until now because your energy is a direct result of your perception. Your perception triggers your brain to think certain thoughts, take things certain ways, and process things how you have always processed them.
So let’s play this out. If the whole world changes but you keep seeing it through the same eyes that witnessed inequity or other problems do you think that you will ever find the relief you are looking for? No. And the problem is, no one really cares. Like that sounds harsh but let me explain.
No one cares because everyone is too busy saving themselves. And even if someone did care enough to give up whatever they had to in order to fully change your life the only thing they can change is the outside. No one can make you feel that connection except you. So that is where the work is.
Because waiting on the world to change will never work. There will always be something that won’t work, something that will bother you, something that seems wrong. That’s why changing you, your focus and therefore you reality is the best option. It’s what I am writing my current book about and am super excited about.
I teach law of attraction. And in that concept the idea would be to ignore racism altogether and it would not exist. For instance, I raised my son and never emphasized that. Of course, I did not have the generational energy handed down to me but no matter what I do not believe in being a victim. See when I heard those first words about law of attraction at 19 I knew I would never be a victim again.
Up until then I had been through everything from being robbed at gunpoint to being raped and a lot of things in between. I felt like life was living me. I was plagued with disloyal friends and being broke. I was at the bottom. I felt hopeless. So when I got a hold of those cassette tapes it was over. I was so glad to wave goodbye to being a victim. Because no matter how sorry someone felt for me it never stopped me from being a victim again. No one could do that for me but me.
So yes, we need to recognize and do the physical things we need to do to create a better world all the way around. Take down the statues and put them in the museums where they belong. Reallocate funding for the police department. Put money into schools. And do the inside work. It is where the physical work has to happen.
But what about the energetic work? See, every subject is two subjects. The lack of something and the abundance of something. Einstein said it best when he said that the problem and solution are not in the same energetic place. That means we can only focus on the problem (lack) until we find the solution (abundance) then we have to change our focus. If we don’t, we are doomed to continue to repeat the problem over and over as focus grows the energy.
Well meaning people will work to fix this racism problem ONLY from the outside, physical plane because that is where they think the power is. As someone does something they want they feel better and as a policy is changed they feel better. But what if we all started to take our power out of anyone else’s hands and decided to instead pave an energetic path to create what we want. No permission needed. No one can stop you. Not when you are energetically lined up. And don’t confuse that with the truth. Energetic alignment has nothing to do with truth per se. It has to do with individual truth not facts.
Becoming the dominant energy is a process that can take you from where you are to where you wanna go. The question is, are you more worried about truth or growth? Here’s the thing. Truth is subjective. We all have different truths based on our perception. When I figured that out I realized that I did not care as much about the truth as I did alignment. Because the truth is a moving target. The best I could do was become in alignment with myself so that my truth and my actions and my beliefs all matched. Then, I could become the dominant energy.
As parents we have a HUGE job. One that will impact your children forever. See, energy is handed down generation to generation. So we are all carrying the weight of our ancestors. We are carrying beliefs that are not our own. We are also carrying beliefs that we picked up along the way that no longer serve us. It’s time to decide to do the work of unraveling all of that so that you can not only live a better life but also be a light for others to follow.
The best gift you can give yourself or your kids is connection. You cannot tell them how to be connected. You have to show them by being connected. You have to do the work. This won’t all happen overnight but if you want a change alignment is necessary. Because one person in alignment is more powerful than a million who are not. So what does that tell you? You are one powerful motherfucker. Time to tap in.
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